Kingwood Underground
the heart and soul of our Kingwood, Texas family
Login - Create Account - Help
Clean out your garage on Kingwood bookoo! Or find local garage sales on Yard Sale Search.com
KU Live!

What this man says is so true!

who's talking here?

It is I WhyWhyWhy 1
Dorothy Parker 1
TinktheSprite 3
sheddy 2
sdanielmcev 1
Emperor of Kingwood 3
Butterbean 2
Tryingto 3

     » send to friend     » save in my favorites     » flag dangerous topic flag as a dangerous topic

TinktheSprite --- 6 days ago -

John Hoxie
July 6 at 4:55pm ยท

A friend came to my house for coffee, we sat and talked about life. At some point in the conversation, I said, ?I?m going to wash the dishes and I?ll be right back.?

He looked at me as if I had told him I was going to build a space rocket. Then he said to me with admiration but a little perplexed: ?I?m glad you help your wife, I do not help because when I do, my wife does not praise me. Last week I washed the floor and no thanks.?

I went back to sit with him and explained that I did not ?help? my wife. Actually, my wife does not need help, she needs a partner. I am a partner at home and through that society are divided functions, but it is not a ?help? to do household chores.

I do not help my wife clean the house because I live here too and I need to clean it too.

I do not help my wife to cook because I also want to eat and I need to cook too.

I do not help my wife wash the dishes after eating because I also use those dishes.

I do not help my wife with her children because they are also my children and my job is to be a father.

I do not help my wife to wash, spread or fold clothes, because the clothes are also mine and my children.

I am not a help at home, I am part of the house. And as for praising, I asked my friend when it was the last time after his wife finished cleaning the house, washing clothes, changing bed sheets, bathing her children, cooking, organizing, etc. You said thank you

But a thank you of the type: Wow, sweetheart !!! You are fantastic!!!

Does that seem absurd to you? Are you looking strange? When you, once in a lifetime, cleaned the floor, you expected in the least, a prize of excellence with great glory ? why? You never thought about that, my friend?

Maybe because for you, the macho culture has shown that everything is her job.

Perhaps you have been taught that all this must be done without having to move a finger? Then praise her as you wanted to be praised, in the same way, with the same intensity. Give her a hand, behave like a true companion, not as a guest who only comes to eat, sleep, bathe and satisfy needs ? Feel at home. In his house.

The real change of our society begins in our homes, let us teach our sons and daughters the real sense of fellowship! ?
---Hawk--- 

Emperor of Kingwood --- 6 days ago -

Its simple, she takes care of him and provides him the comfort he needs. In return he provides her with a home and security for the rest of her life. 

TinktheSprite --- 6 days ago -

There is no "in return" according to what this man believes. No payback, no deals, no give and take. What about HER comfort? Who give her that if all he "returns" is a home and security? Marriage is a partnership. She picks up where he leaves off and vice versa. 50/50. 

Emperor of Kingwood --- 6 days ago -

His essay seems to ignore the fact that for the partnership to work as a successful team, both partners have to employ their individual skills to the betterment of the team as a whole. If shes a stay at home mom, why shouldn't the operation of the house be largely her responsibility. Does she help him at the office or on all those endless business trips which he does mostly for her? 

Butterbean --- 6 days ago -

How did that work for you, Emp? 

Dorothy Parker --- 6 days ago -

The writers of Mad Men called, they want their script back, Emp. 

Tryingto --- 6 days ago -

There is no "in return" according to what this man believes. No payback, no deals, no give and take. What about HER comfort? Who give her that if all he "returns" is a home and security? Marriage is a partnership. She picks up where he leaves off and vice versa. 50/50.

I guess people can divide the load however they want. But, if I'm leaving a career to stay home, I want it in writing what happens. Unfortunately, when you leave the labor market for the unpaid labor at home, you can come out 20 years later with no husband/wife and no skills, for lots of different reasons.

Happened to my grandmother who lost her spouse unexpectedly, and found out they had nothing...she thought they owned the house, they rented. She thought there was savings...none. She thought taxes were paid, they weren't. She still had three kids at home...and a huge financial hurdle to overcome.

When you go into the partnership of marriage, it is a business. Both parties need to know how it works and what happens when/if it doesn't. It's not anti-romance--knowledge, clear guidelines/expectations and openly sharing is a true relationship.

I am amazed at how many people don't know the "books" of the business, where money is etc... 

TinktheSprite --- 6 days ago -

When you go into the partnership of marriage, it is a business. Both parties need to know how it works and what happens when/if it doesn't. It's not anti-romance--knowledge, clear guidelines/expectations and openly sharing is a true relationship.

Agree with this. "A partnership."

I am amazed at how many people don't know the "books" of the business, where money is etc...
Me, too!! 

sheddy --- 6 days ago -

I have been a stay at home mom/spouse for almost all of our marriage. My husband works his tail off providing for me. I don't expect him to do anything when he walks in the door. He is willing, but to tell you the truth I like things done my way around here. I take care of the bills, taxes, etc. he shouldn't have to worry about anything as far as I'm concerned. If I had worked all these years I would expect 50/50 around the house. 

It is I WhyWhyWhy --- 6 days ago -

I have been a stay at home mom/spouse for almost all of our marriage. My husband works his tail off providing for me. I don't expect him to do anything when he walks in the door. He is willing, but to tell you the truth I like things done my way around here. I take care of the bills, taxes, etc. he shouldn't have to worry about anything as far as I'm concerned. If I had worked all these years I would expect 50/50 around the house.?


agreed

However, I know women who expect their husbands to do as much as they do around the house on top of being the sole provider. Talk about being a kept woman. 

Tryingto --- 6 days ago -

However, I know women who expect their husbands to do as much as they do around the house on top of being the sole provider. Talk about being a kept woman.

When you are a stay at home/wife/husband you don't get an income---sure if you split everything and you're okay with it, that's the arrangement between your spouse and you. But, should you ever divorce, he/she is not obligated to share his future earnings that you helped generate by caring for the house, and family that allowed him to accrue the level of business he has achieved. Sure, you split what you have at divorce, but he/she will continue to be on the upper earning potential, and you'll start over.

The stay at home partner also assists with functions for business etc. So, not requiring a spouse to help out seems a little unfair.

There is a reason that divorce generally helps men financially, and not women. I can assume this applies to stay at home dads as well. It's not just planning for caring for now, but also later and uncomfortable what-if's.

It seems that the conversation, and how you will recoup you fair share later as you move on as separate earners, is important to the entire family.

Hopefully, you never divorce, but people also die. A lack of insurance on both family members can destroy savings, when someone has to be hired to do all the work the caretaking partner undertook as well. And when the stay at home partner doesn't have the same earning potential. 

Tryingto --- 6 days ago -

 

Emperor of Kingwood --- 5 days ago -

I have been a stay at home mom/spouse for almost all of our marriage. My husband works his tail off providing for me. I don't expect him to do anything when he walks in the door. He is willing, but to tell you the truth I like things done my way around here. I take care of the bills, taxes, etc. he shouldn't have to worry about anything as far as I'm concerned. If I had worked all these years I would expect 50/50 around the house.

Yes, yes, yes. However, I don't like anyone doing anything for me. I don't need a wife to take care of me. I can do that just fine without help. The years spent as a single father showed me I can do it all. 

sdanielmcev --- 5 days ago -

I've been in lots of people's homes, and I can assure you that lazy dude is the exception. 

sheddy --- 5 days ago -

Maybe we are the exception, but my husband is my best friend. Because of his hard work, we will never worry about money. I had a neighbor who stayed home and her husband did EVERYTHING around the house after work. Another neighbor said she must be fantastic in bed! lol Every marriage is different. I have a friend who has been married over 40 years and they still keep their money separate and pool money every month for bills. I haven't worked, but my husband always says i am just as responsible for his success as he is. He could work and know that things were getting taken care of here at home and with the kids. Whatever works and makes you happy is your business. 

Butterbean --- 5 days ago -

Good stuff, Sheddy. 

page 1
Login to add your comments!

see more discussions about...


Online now:
hit counters

Terms of Service - Privacy Policy - Ice Box

Kingwood Underground