When you got divorced did you also have to divorce the extended family?

Sadly, we have family members divorcing after a long marriage. It has come as a bit of a shock because they seemed like a couple that would make it for the long haul.

He can be a handful and she is strongly independent. She seemed perfect for him because when he stepped out of line she was the one that could reel him back in. But at some point she has said ENOUGH. I completely get that.

Anyway, even though she is not related by blood we want to keep her as part of our family. We aren't mad at either one of them. We love both of them.

I had a long talk with her last night and told her she will always be family to me. I know that will be a challenge and I sure hope we can do it.

It doesn't seem fair that when a divorce happens that people are expected to have to cut off ties from people they have known and loved and shared memories with for years.

Has anyone here been successful in keeping inlaws and extended family part of your family after a divorce? 

I can see why you would want to do that because of your feelings for her but I have been on the other side of this, being the one that had issues with an ex and then having to still see him at my parents house, often on holidays, after I had supposedly gotten rid of him was difficult and it felt like they had betrayed me and chosen to keep him around even though it was painful for me and his hanging around was stalkerish.

Every situation is different though, do these family members have children together? If I were you I would try to get some input from the half of the couple that is your direct family member before you decide just how you are going to handle this issue.

Maybe not have them over at the same time? That will eventually lead to choosing though, and what about when one or both finds someone new? That could be very painful and cause lots of trouble if they are both at family functions, etc.

I still consider my MIL a friend even though it has been 20 years but I did not have children with my ex and I was the one that finally asked for and got the divorce so it was less painful than it would have been if he had just up and unexpectedly left me. 

I've remained friendly with my brother-in-law after my sister divorced him. It just depends on the people involved. 

It just depends on the people involved and probably the circumstances of the divorce.

I have a friend that was married, had a child, divorced and remarried. Her Ex comes to all of the child's celebrations and they all get along fine. He and the current husband even went hunting together. 

I can see why you would want to do that because of your feelings for her but I have been on the other side of this, being the one that had issues with an ex and then having to still see him at my parents house, often on holidays, after I had supposedly gotten rid of him was difficult and it felt like they had betrayed me and chosen to keep him around even though it was painful for me and his hanging around was stalkerish.



I can see both sides of the coin but having him around for holidays or other occasions when you're going to be there was a wrong move on your family's part. Still seeing him at other times, away from you, would have been the thing to do. 

I'm still in touch with an ex-S-I-L, she divorced my brother. In fact I like her better than my brother. Smart move on her part. Her current husband though has a problem with me, b/c I'm related to her ex-husband. That's just stupid in my book. But we never came together for holidays after the divorce. 

I have been divorced from my ex for 17 years. To this day her 3 sisters stay in contact with me as does her mother and step mother... Keep the bridges up. The husband and wife are divorcing, that does not mean the everyone else has to stop. 

It's so hard when couples you know divorce. My GF divorced me when she divorced her husband simply because I knew him. I never get how these things workout, who stays in contact with whom. There are no rules. But I have seen civil divorces where everyone still gets along well. 

Thank you for your sharing your experiences. I would never put either my brother or sister-in-law in a situation where either one of them felt uncomfortable. But at the same time, I really can't stand the thought of losing her out of my life either. 

Leila, don't think of it that way. You have a friendship with your S_I_L that can go on. The relationship may change, but relationship change in other situation besides divorce. But you can keep the relationship with her but in a different type of way. 

I would say as long as you're being respectful of your brother's feelings, you can definitely stay friends with his ex. You can spend time with her when he isn't around, just like you would any other friend.

That's how I view it. 

I sorta kinda did. My ex FIL from my 20 year marriage that ended in 1996 came to my mothers funeral in 2009. The kids we had together still stay in touch with their cousins and such. His current wife called me for a reference on him in 2000. (before she married him) Go figure. 

My brother divorced his wife and I haven't seen or had any contact with her ever since. It sucks she was once my "sister" and now I'm nothing.

Divorce affects a lot of people.