Article taken from Miriam Grossman MD February 11, 2015
There?s nothing gray about Fifty Shades of Grey. It?s all black.
Let me explain.
I help people who are broken inside. Unlike doctors who use x-rays or blood tests to determine why someone?s in pain, the wounds that interest me are hidden. I ask questions, and listen carefully to the answers. That?s how I discover why the person in front of me is ?bleeding?.
Years of careful listening have taught me a lot. One thing I?ve learned is that young people are utterly confused about love ? finding it and keeping it. They make poor choices, and end up in lots of pain.
I don?t want you to suffer like the people I see in my office, so I?m warning you about a new movie called Fifty Shades of Grey. Even if you don?t see the film, its toxic message is seeping into our culture, and could plant dangerous ideas in your head.
Fifty Shades of Grey is being released for Valentine?s Day, so you?ll think it?s a romance, but don?t fall for it. The movie is actually about a sick, dangerous relationship filled with physical and emotional abuse. It seems glamorous, because the actors are gorgeous, have expensive cars and planes, and Beyonce is singing. You might conclude that Christian and Ana are cool, and that their relationship is acceptable.
Don?t allow yourself to be manipulated! The people behind the movie just want your money; they have no concern whatsoever about you and your dreams.
Abuse is not glamorous or cool. It is never OK, under any circumstances.
This is what you need to know about Fifty Shades of Grey: as a child, Christian Grey was terribly neglected. He is confused about love because he never experienced the real thing. In his mind, love is tangled up with bad feelings like pain and embarrassment. Christian enjoys hurting women in bizarre ways. Anastasia is an immature girl who falls for Christian?s looks and wealth, and foolishly goes along with his desires.
In the real world, this story would end badly, with Christian in jail, and Ana in a shelter ? or morgue. Or Christian would continue beating Ana, and she?d stay and suffer. Either way, their lives would most definitely not be a fairy tale. Trust me on this one.
As a doctor, I?m urging you: DON?T see Fifty Shades of Grey. Get informed, learn the facts, and explain to your friends why they shouldn?t see it either.
Here are a few of the dangerous ideas promoted by Fifty Shades of Grey:
1. Girls want guys like Christian who order them around and get rough.
No! A psychologically healthy woman avoids pain. She wants to feel safe, respected and cared for by a man she can trust. She dreams about wedding gowns, not handcuffs.
2. Guys want a girl like Anastasia who is meek and insecure.
Wrong. A psychologically healthy man wants a woman who can stand up for herself. If he is out of line, he wants her to set him straight.
3. Anastasia exercises free choice when she consents to being hurt, so no one can judge her decision.
Flawed logic. Sure, Anastasia had free choice ? and she chose poorly. A self-destructive decision is a bad decision.
4. Anastasia makes choices about Christian in a thoughtful and detached manner.
Doubtful. Christian constantly supplies Anastasia with alcohol, impairing her judgment. Also, Anastasia becomes sexually active with Christian ? her first experience ever ? soon after meeting him. Neuroscience suggests their intimacy could jump start her feelings of attachment and trust, before she?s certain he deserved them. Sex is a powerful experience ? particularly the first time. Finally, Christian manipulates Anastasia into signing an agreement prohibiting her from telling anyone that he is a long time abuser.
Alcohol, sex, manipulation ? hardly the ingredients of a thoughtful, detached decision.
5. Christian?s emotional problems are cured by Anastasia?s love.
Only in a movie. In the real world, Christian wouldn?t change to any significant degree. If Anastasia was fulfilled by helping emotionally disturbed people, she should have become a psychiatrist or social worker.
6. It?s good to experiment with sexuality.
Maybe for adults in a healthy, long term, committed, monogomous relationship, AKA ?marriage?. Otherwise, you?re at high risk for STDs, pregnancy, and sexual assault. It?s wise to be very careful who you allow to get close to you, physically and emotionally, because just one encounter can throw you off track and change your life forever.
The bottom line: the ideas of Fifty Shades of Grey are dangerous, and can lead to confusion and poor decisions about love. There are vast differences between healthy and unhealthy relationships, but the movie blurs those differences, so you begin to wonder: what?s healthy in a relationship? What?s sick? There are so many shades of grey?I?m not sure.
Listen, it?s your safety and future we?re talking about here. There?s no room for doubt: an intimate relationship that includes violence, consensual or not, is completely unacceptable.
This is black and white. There are no shades of grey here. Not even one.
That's one you don't have to read or see to know that isn't healthy for the mind. Thank you for posting the article. Similar things are being posted on facebook too. Lots of people warning that it is not at all good for the mind, body, soul, or spirit.
"an intimate relationship that includes violence, consensual or not, is completely unacceptable.
This is black and white. There are no shades of grey here. Not even one.
I agree. In fact, I believe it so strongly that I wouldn't support the author getting a good drubbing herself, even though she deserves one for writing such a POS. "
This is what I wondered about- and suspected self esteem issues were at the core, as they commonly are when a relationship is unbalanced or unhealthy and power is weighted heavily on one side. People say they are consenting and they are. But it's still interesting to know why they find something acceptable sexually that isn't acceptable in real life when people are being hurt. You can condition your mind to accept anything.
It's strange and hypocritical. But people don't like you pointing that out. Lol
I am surprised at all the fluster and support this movie is getting. I got a 50 Shades of Gray email from Sephora, the beauty product store of all places. I predict it will do well at the opening, most will be disappointed that it wasn't the same as the book, and it won't do as well as expected in the theaters once word gets out. It might do better as a rental.
"It's such a lie, telling women that they should want to endure this kind of physical abuse and telling them that women want it, and also pushing the lie that if women are obedient and subservient enough, then they can fix a violent and controlling man." --Amanda Smith, spokeswoman for the National Center on Sexual Exploitation
I couldn't get through the first few chapters because the book was so badly written.
I have to agree with the author of the article that it is a bad message to send to young girls. Any woman who is psychologically grounded would likely not succumb to that kind of unbalanced power in a relationship.
I read the first book and part of the second- it's trash. That old saying "you can't make a silk purse from a pig's ear" will apply to the movie. The Dr probably read the books as she describes Christian's emotional problems perfectly. Yep he is a broken man and in RL love, alone, rarely saves such a broken person. Now as far as one movie turning teens to the dark side- I don't know about that. If I had a teen no way would they be going to see that. I've read better written bodice busters and I'm sorry I spent a penny on the first 2 books. THE only reason I even bought the second one was the side plot of the mysterious person stalking - once that was solved I was done.
I don't think there is anything wrong if both people consent to it. Problem with religion is they make sex of any kind out to feel dirty and disgusting and shameful and something we don't talk about and certainly not something we watch. But, now movies like SAW and Silence of the Lambs, those are ok. Violence in movies is good and sex in movies is bad. This really is too bad.
That's the point of the letter, Wicked. There might very well be something unhealthy about it, even if it's consensual. Sometimes our desires aren't healthy and they come from places of weakness within us.
I saw people are picketing the movie in some places bc they feel it demeans women and isn't a healthy relationship to hold up publicly. It's something to consider IMO. Humiliation isn't healthy. And we don't embrace it in society. Not sure why sexually it becomes ok.