Actor Kevin Spacey is apologizing for a sexual encounter he says he does not remember due to alcohol, that he made happen with a 14 YO boy years ago. Apparently, the now man grown man is telling all, and hes not calling it consensual...
Now, Spacey was not out as gay, but is using this issue to come out. WHAT? (I'm sure the gay community will NOT be thrilled)
And Mark Halperin, author, senior analyst for CNN/NBC is admitting sexually harassing multiple women over the years and is also apologizing as he is been suspended by his employer...
Shaking my head is an understatement. Also, child actor Corey Feldman, (Goonies) is saying there is a deep and historical pedophilia ring in Hollywood that abused him and many other male children over the years. He wants to name names and make a documentary to expose it all but needs 10M to do it and lawyer up for legal protection.
I'm just laughing at ALL the apologies and how basically, is it REALLY a legitimate thing when you get caught? To me, its not, unless you admit it when you dont have to or its truly heartfelt. Its The Age of The Apology...
When an Apology Is Not an Apology By John Amodeo, PhD ~ I'm-sorry Why is apologizing so difficult? Saying ?I was wrong, I made a mistake, I?m sorry? is more painful than root canal therapy for some people.
As a psychotherapist, I?ve found that our ability to apologize is directly related to the shame we carry. Burdened with a deeply ingrained sense of being flawed or defective, we mobilize to avoid being flooded by a debilitating shame.
When we recognize that we?ve done or said something offensive or hurtful, we may notice an uncomfortable feeling inside. We realize we?ve broken trust and done some damage.
Our response to violating someone?s sensibilities may go in three possible directions:
1. We Don?t Care
When our personality structure is rigid and hardened, we don?t register others? pain. Having cut ourselves off from our own painful and difficult feelings, we have a blind spot to human suffering.
It can be maddening to be involved with someone who has been so driven by shame that they distance themselves from you. They don?t see you because all they know is that their survival depends on keeping shame at bay. If they were to allow any hint of shame to enter their awareness, they?d be so paralyzed by it that they could no longer function ? or at least that?s the belief they hold. They don?t know how to take responsibility without it becoming painfully fused with self-blame and shame.
Sociopaths do not allow themselves to experience empathy for others. They are so shame-bound, perhaps due to early trauma, that they have no shame (they?ve become numb to it). They don?t notice how they affect others. Apart from some possible fleeting moments, they don?t care about anyone?s feelings.
2. We Care About Our Image
It doesn?t take being psychic to recognize when someone is unhappy with us. Evoking a person?s tears or tirades tells us that we?ve stepped on their toes. If this is a friend or partner we care about or a political constituency we don?t want to alienate, we might realize that need to muster up some kind of apology to repair the damage and get the unpleasant matter behind us.
It is maddening to get no apology from a person who has hurt us. But it can be even more upsetting ? or decidedly confusing ? to receive an apology that isn?t really an apology. For example, we hurl harsh words or cheat on our partner and witness the damage, we realize that some apology is necessary to repair the injury.
An insincere apology would be something like:
I?m sorry you feel that way. I?m sorry if I offended you. I?m sorry, but aren?t you being too sensitive? Such non-apologies miss the point. They are weak attempts to head off being blamed and criticized. We try to ?make nice? but our heart isn?t into it. We haven?t allowed the person?s hurt to register in our heart. We haven?t allowed ourselves to be genuinely affected by the pain we?ve generated in their lives.
These pseudo-apologies are strategies that keep us well-insulated from the healthy shame of realizing that we hurt someone or messed up, which we all do from time to time (if not often); it?s simply part of being human.
Hard-driving politicians are notorious for offering insincere apologies. They?re not devoted to being real; they?re invested in looking good. Protecting their carefully honed image is of paramount importance.
For people who are attached to their self-image, it?s a quandary when they mess up. If they admit their mistakes, they might look bad. They may make the calculation that it?s best to cover it up and push onward. However, if they don?t acknowledge their mistake, they might also look bad; they may be viewed as arrogant and self-centered, which might also damage the false image they?ve been promoting.
So here?s the curious dilemma for an ego- and image-driven person: how to respond when making a mistake? One seemingly elegant solution is to offer what seems like an apology, but isn?t really one: ?I apologize if I offended you.? This is a crazy-making statement. It comes from our head. We didn?t put our heart on the line; we protected our vulnerability.
The person receiving such an ?apology? might respond: You did offend me. You hurt me. Your antiseptic apology doesn?t really reach me. I don?t get any sense that you?ve been affected by how I feel.?
An expedient ?apology? is insincere because we?re protecting ourselves from heartfelt human relating. We don?t want to get our hands dirty. We casually flip a comment that seems like it will satisfy the injured party, but it won?t. And we?re likely to repeat the mistake because we refuse to reflect deeply on the matter and make a real change in our behavior.
A Sincere Apology
A genuine apology is more than mouthing the words. It?s registering the damage we?ve done. When our words, our body language, and our tone of voice derive from a deep recognition of the pain we?ve caused, true healing and forgiveness become possible. We might say something like, ?I?m really sorry I did that? or ?I can see how much pain I caused you and I feel bad about that? rather than a more cold, impersonal, and half-hearted, ?I?m sorry if you were offended by that.?
?Sorry? is related to the word ?sorrow.? A sincere apology includes feeling sorrow or remorse for our actions.
Apologizing doesn?t mean berating ourselves or being paralyzed by shame. But allowing ourselves to experience a light and fleeting shame can get our attention. It?s natural to feel at least a little bad when we?ve hurt someone ? and perhaps very bad (at least for a time) if we?re hurt them really badly.
If we can let go of our self-image, we might discover that it can actually feel good to offer a heartfelt apology. It connects us with the person we?ve hurt. And it may surprise us that our image actually improves if we display a sincerity that derives not from some calculation or manipulation, but from the depths of our human heart."
It?s not that we haven?t always had some of this, it?s that so much is public now. We Are seeing not only the depth and scope of these issues but now we?re also seeing how these people act when exposed in a highly publicly revealing way.
Very interesting time to study human behavior. Even an apology which normally is a good and healthy thing when warranted, can be just a tool of manipulation, and may be relegated to meaning nothing.
What's messed up is, he doesn't seem to think he did anything wrong and plenty of left-wingers are supporting him because he's diverting the "encounter" with "I'm coming out as choosing to live as a gay man."
I haven't seen any defense of Kevin Spacey or any of the people involved in these cases.
As far as the world getting weirder; I don't think it's weirder, we're just more aware of what's happening in real time. We are connected in ways we've never had before and everyone has an outlet to espouse. Most people are on sensory overload due to the constant intake of info. Plus, social norms have changed and what was once acceptable, is outrageous now.
Back in the 70's, sexualizing teens was the norm. Grown men dated 14-18 year old girls and no one batted an eye. Look at the films of that time starring Jodie Foster, Brooke Sheilds, Christy MacNichol. All those girls were portrayed as sexual beings and no one said a word. Those films would never be made today and with good reason. Still, at that time, it wasn't viewed as a big deal.
Back in the 70's, sexualizing teens was the norm. Grown men dated 14-18 year old girls and no one batted an eye. Look at the films of that time starring Jodie Foster, Brooke Sheilds, Christy MacNichol. All those girls were portrayed as sexual beings and no one said a word. Those films would never be made today and with good reason. Still, at that time, it wasn't viewed as a big deal.?
If it was some conservative, you'd be singing a different tune. Remember Milo getting trashed by the left for being the "kid/victim" for saying how it shaped him into the man he is now? The left was calling him a pedophile sympathizer, even promoter of it.
Go read Twitter and Facebook. It's all about his COURAGE to "Choose to live as a gay man." They mostly dismiss the fact he screwed a 14 year old when he was twice the teen's age. Remember, liberals have always claimed being gay isn't a choice.
I'm sixty years old and have heard about the Hollywood casting couch for as long as I can remember. What these men are accused of is wrong, but what in the world did these woman think was expected when the men asked them up to their hotel room or home. I heard an actress say the other day that what they had to put up with was the cost of success. They had a choice. They sure didn't mind starring in his movies.
I'm not blaming the victim. They could have slapped him in the face and left. His actions were no secret. They are coming out of the woodwork. Evidently it was well known what was expected for a role with his company. The men in the industry knew it also. They all were going along with it, because they liked what they were getting from him. He could have been stopped years ago.
This man has been doing this since the 70's. Everyone in Hollywood knew this was going on, not just some up and coming actress. At what point do the the people who knew and did nothing, not share some of the blame. How many women where abused because they kept quiet? They liked their position in Hollywood and did not want to rock the boat. When someone can make a comment during the academy awards, it's pretty evident it's an open secret.
You people are not listening to what I am saying. He could have been stopped years ago. Untold women suffered. Everyone knew, men and women, people with a lot of power in Hollywood themselves. I have to believe when a group got together, there was talk about this man and what he was doing. He's been doing this for forty years. He's paid women off. I would have wanted him to pay for what he'd done, not money, but jail.
NEW YORK - A motorist drove onto a busy bicycle path near the World Trade Center memorial and struck several people Tuesday, then emerged from the vehicle screaming and firing what appeared to be a gun, police and witnesses said.
At least two bodies could be seen lying motionless on the path beneath tarps near mangled bicycles.
[i]It happened because a moron believes something that isn?t real..
That's absurd. Well, just think how much better the world would be if you just obeyed the 10 Commandments...mankind needs to let go of his desire to control and power over everything and everyone, let go and let God change them and set them free, from themselves. people are the problem, not God.